Of the 2 months in 2019 that I was homeless, 40 of those 60 days were spent camping in wilderness areas.
In April, in Boulder, I went to an Easter Concert at dawn at the Red Rocks Amphitheater. It was a very transcendent experience, the ethereal music echoing off the red rock formations. Two nights later, I left the home I was staying at in Boulder with four other housemates and decided to be homeless. Rent was unreasonable. I don’t like living with strangers. It was April. In the mountains. The first night camping was in a snowstorm. Of the next 40 nights, at least seven were spent in heavy snow.
It really pushed me to the edge of my frayed rope, and even before embarking on the camping trip, I was already close to a mental breakdown ~ this was about 9 months after my suicide attempt.
20 days into the camping trip was a major breaking point.
Maybe I’ll put more details about this into my book. That’s when I spent 3 days in the hospital. The first night out of the hospital, another snowstorm. Still, better to have the autonomy of homelessness than the lack of empathy from the so-and-so professional mental health agents.
The report that the outtake nurse read to me (which she wasn’t supposed to, but she had empathy for me) said: patient speaks nonsense, and makes no sense.
Yes, I am sure I was waxing poetic about the state of the climate, materialism, the lack of empathy and unconditional love in the world. I can understand the diagnoses of crazy. Who talks like that? Who cares about things like that?
In a world where we arrest and hose down the Water Protectors at Standing Rock?
In a World where Trump is the leader?
Damn right I make no sense. Damn proud of it.
I believe in a goddman better world.
I am disappointed in my species.
Always have been.
Been shamed for feeling disappointed.
Well, though, who among you has the balls to quit your High Five Figure Job, leave the home you owned in the suburbs, and go off to find your soul?
In the Gospel of Thomas, (the real one by Jesus’ twin brother), Jesus says: Whoever has achieved self-actualization, the world is not worthy of him. No shit, it says that. It also says that Jesus was against circumcision. #metoo
I could quote chapter and verse, but I’d rather teach unconditional love to whoever is willing to listen and not call me crazy.
I’m come back to Civilization to change it.
Not taking no for an answer.